Ah, Archive.org's way back machine, how I hate you. And kinda love you. Because, as it turns out, some of my original writing is still deep on the internet. I found this little piece I wrote for StrictlyXPW.com, published back on August 7th, 2000. I was only 14 years old, and boy does it show...
I've left it completely unedited, so enjoy my trip down memory lane as 14 year old Hardcore JPW reviews XPW Baptized in Blood. It's so (Insert Bad Word) awesome!
Baptized In Blood:
I got Hardcore Conception. It was a good video. I then heard about Baptized in Blood. I HAD TO HAVE IT!!! I went to a Sam Goody's store near me, I have seen Hardcore Conception there before, but it wasn't there. I went 3 or 4 more times that month looking for it, but it was never there. There was a Wrestling Swap Meet here in Minnesota (it was sponsored by WOW Magazine!!!), so I made my parents let me go (It was far from my house). When we got their, there were 3 tables set up with old magazines. It was cool because I got to see the ring being put up. The Swap was supposed to start at 3:30 PM and that's when we got there. They failed. There was nothing there. I left without the video again. My Mom finally let me use her credit cart to order it online. I did. In 6 long days, I finally had my hands on Baptized in Blood. I realized that the reason it wasn't in the stores was because it has a 18 or over warning label on it. I'm not 18 yet so I thought that was cool. Please don't think that I didn't know what I was about to watch. I have the IWA King of the Deathmatch Tournament on video, So I had an idea. I sat in my room and watched the whole thing. This is what I thought:
[2015 Quick Thoughts: How cool is my mom for giving her credit card to a 14 year old me so I could buy an Adult wrestling video from a Porn company? Thanks mom!]
Chris Candido comes out with Tammy Lynn Sytch and challenges Damian Steele to a match for the world title. Steele comes out with his little group of people. He didn't accepted, who didn't see that coming? Lizzy Borden comes out and tells Damian that she hates him, but she (Insert Bad Word) Hates Chris Candido. She insults Tammy and we almost have a cat fight, but Chris held he back. She then announced that Damian Steel would defend the title that night against Chris Candido. Damian gets mad and starts yelling as Chris and Tammy celebrate.
1st Round of the King of the Deathmatch Tournament:
Supreme vs. Kid Kaos (Beds of Barbed Wire and Nails):
This was a decent match. I didn't realize how close the barbed wire board was going to be to the fans. Supreme set up the board in the corner on the outside, but it was the Kid who used it. He whipped him twice into. The second time the board fell and almost fit a fan. The ending was great. Supreme brought the board into the ring and laid it over Kaos. He went on the top rope and hit a moonsault. He got the pin. Good match. Kaos had to be helped out of the ring.
"White Trash" Johnny Webb vs. The Messiah (Barbed Wire-Ladder and Thumbtacks):
Johnny Webb came out with his Singapore Cane. He smashed it against his head over and over. He bleeded really bad and that was before the match. I wanted them to use the barbed wire at the top of the ladder more. At one point they were using the ladder to pound each other in the gut. They should have used the barbed wire side! Johnny Webb climbed the ladder and got the bag. It was funny. The bag was on a line that was tied from one end of the building to the other side, instead of a rope from the ceiling. Webb fell with the bag in his hand and the rope shot back. Webb fell hard on the mat. He started hitting the Messiah with the bag. Webb dumped the bag of tacks on the mat. He tried a suplex, but the Messiah reversed it in to a suplex. Webb landed on the tacks. He got up and started jumping around clutch his back screaming. You could tell he over did it, that's why it was funny. Webb tried a superplex, but the Messiah reversed it into a Sunset Flip Powerbomb. He got a two count! The Messiah hit a Cross Body Block to get the win! This was a fun match. The barbed wire on the ladder should of been used more. Webb also had to helped out.
Kronus vs. Carlito Montana (Beds of Barbed Wire and Lightbulbs):
I had never seen lightbulbs used before. I wish they were used more. Kronus flipped Carlito into the bulbs. You could see the bulbs in his back. When he fell it didn't look like it hurt, but I'm sure it did. I have been desensitized thanks to XPW, ECW, and IWA Japan. Most people would get squeamish after seeing that. I love it!!! Carlito put Kronus on the table and hit him with a senton. The table didn't break. Kronus looked like it didn't even effect him. Kronus powerbombed Carlito through the table. Kronus then got the pin. OK Match. Carlito had to be helped out.
Axl Rotten vs. Homeless Jimmy (Barbed Wire Bat and Beds of Nails and Glass, Jimmy's Shopping Cart was used too):
My name is Jimmy and Homeless Jimmy is my hero. Someday I want to be just like h... Well, maybe not!!!
[2015 Quick Thoughts: Jokes! I had jokes!]
I loved it when Axl let the fans feel the bats, so they knew that they were real. Jimmy was whipped into the nail beds. Axl used his bats on Jimmy. He basically dominated the match. Jimmy got some offense in when he got some metal from his Cart. They fought to the bed of glass. Axl hit him with the chair and Jimmy fell into the glass bed. Axl then got the pin. OK match. I thought this was like a bye in the tourney for Axl. Who thought Jimmy could win. HE HAS NEVER WON! I wasn't into this match because you knew that Axl was going to win. Jimmy had to be helped out.
The only thing I didn't like about the 1st Round was that every loser had to be helped out. I don't know if they wanted it to be more realistic, but it was dumb. These wrestlers are supposed to be Hardcore. They showed limit the amount of times they do that in one show.
Chronic vs. J.N.:
This match was disgusting. J.N. wouldn't stop barfing in the match. The match wasn't good at all. Mustafa comes out and helps Chronic beat up J.N. There never was an ending to this match. It just stopped. I guess it was a no-contest.
2nd Round of King of the Deathmatch Tournament:
Supreme vs. Messiah (Beds of Barbed Wire, Thumbtacks and Nails):
This may have been the best match of the show. The Messiah knocked Supreme and he fell into the bed of thumbtacks. He hit a DDT on the floor. Messiah had the reff help him get the bed of thumbtacks into the ring. He put Supreme between the top and middle rope. Messiah went onto the apron and hit a Springboard Leg Drop that sent Supreme head first into the tacks. Messiah also landed in the tacks. It looked like the Messiah was more hurt than Supreme. Supreme whipped Messiah into the Nail bed then hit him with a splash. Messiah came back and hit Supreme with a Cross-Factor into the thumbtacks. The fans started chanting "Holy S***, Holy S***" This made the Messiah mad. He covered his ears and yelled at the fans to stop. The Messiah whipped Supreme into the Nail Beds twice. He then used the nails to rip at Supreme's arm. Later Supreme got 3 chairs and set the bed of thumbtacks up on 2 of them. He put the Messiah on it. He went to the top rope with the 3rd chair and hit a Mecca Toad Splash on Messiah. Supreme got the pin. Great Match!!! Messiah was bleeding a lot. He got up with some help, but he was able to walk without help. Johnny Webb then came out and attacked him with his cane.
Kronus vs. Axl Rotten (Beds of Barbed Wire, light bulbs and Glass):
Axl came out with his bats again. This match was mostly a brawl. They never used the light bulbs nor Glass. This was mostly a brawl. They did both use the barbed wire bats. Axl setup the board in the corner, but Kronus suplexed Axl into it. He got the pin. This match wasn't good. AXL DIDN'T LET ANYONE HELP HIM UP. He then got on the microphone and told the fans that he loved working for them and that they would see a lot more of him.
World Championship Match: (C) "The Real Deal" Damian Steele vs. Chris Candido:
This was an OK match. This was just a brawl too. They fought around the ring. Through the fans and to the bar. Chris Candido hit an elbow drop off the bar to get the pin. Chris Candido is the new world champ! This was a World Title Match!!!!!! Chris was celebrating with Tammy when Shane Douglas came out of no ware. Shane got in the ring and trashed WCW. He told XPW that they had a Franchise. He then called up Bill Bush (Is that how you spell his last name? Who Cares?) and trashed him on the phone. They all left.
Finals of the King of the Deathmatch Tournament: Kronus vs. Supreme (No Rope-Barbed Wire, beds of Everything):
The lead sing of Slayer, Kerry King, came out to be the guest ring announcer. When the match started it wasn't long until Kronus backbody droped Supreme onto the lightbulbs. They fought to the bed of glass. Kronus hit a side kick that sent Supreme into the glass. They got back into the ring. Kronus used a drop toe hold to send Supreme face first into the thumbtacks. Later Supreme was whipped at the ropes, when he hit the ropes his feet slipped out of the ring. One of the ropes caught him and he landed head first onto the wood floor. Supreme cut some of the wire down while Kronus set up a table on the outside. Kronus wrapped him in the wire. Later Supreme put Kronus on the table. He set up a ladder and hit a Mecca Toad Splash, while still wrapped in wire, on Kronus through the table. He got the pin. Supreme is the first ever King of the Deathmatch. Xtremely Good Match. Too short though. It's weird that Supreme didn't have a lot of offense, but he still won!!!!!!
Bonus Matches: The Messiah vs. Johnny Webb (Cage Match):
The ring was full of weapons. It was mostly a weapons match. They started sword fighting with Singapore Canes. Messiah hit the Godsmack. He went to the top of the cage. Webb went up and knocked him off. He fell out of a cage and through a table. Webb got out of the ring and pinned Messiah. Good Match. (Can you tell I'm getting tired of writing?)
Kid Kaos vs. Mike Modest vs. Phenomenal Phil (3-Way Dance):
Phil was the first eliminated. Phil helped Kaos eliminate Modest. This was a very good match. There was a lot of higflying matches. Well over all the video was VERY GOOD!
I XTREMELY RECOMMEND IT!!!!!!!!
Thanks for reading. I hope you don't have to he helped out of this article!
- The Writer Formerly Known as Hardcore JPW, JP Wenner